today is thursday ...

wahaha ... is proj day sia ...
haha ... first is asp keep gif me problem ... hai ...
then hor next is buz comm proj ...
is like entire thing is did by me ...
cos the things given by my friend i didnt use ...
broken eng and not related .. haha ...
i did everything ... wif help from bday girl ...
sooo teck ... haha ... we bought a mp3 player for her ... share la ...
hha and also today celebrate ... got cake also haha ...

then wa did proj until my friend say is 7 liao ... i then wa ...
so late liao ... haha ...

lol ... hai ...

today ... got 4 person celbrate bday ...
3 are my friends ...
last one is ...
daddy of *** haha ...
hope they got a enjoyable day ...
and also ... HAPPY CELEBRATION ...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ALL ....
yupee ... haha ...

hope they have a great time .. haah

late tagging

sry wor bloggie last nite no blog ... cos my bro wanna use then i need study the financial test ... haha ...

hmm ... hai ... wrote a testimonial for her ... haha ...
kind of funny ... haha ...

when i wrote for her ... feelings inside ..
all came back ...

been hiding all along ...
i not that good at hiding hai ...

trying to reframe myself ..
haha i talk until like i drug addict like that ...
haha but it realli seems so ...

hai ... jus like love poison ...
onli will pain at certain times onli ... and when atart to think the pain comes again ...
but i never regret taking this poison down ...

but i onli regret losing my potion for this poison ...

haha wad toking me ... yang guo and xiao long nu 16 years wait ...
don tell me i also need 16 years ... hai ...

haha .. okok la ... now in labby ... going to take a look at her blog again then start doing by labby things ...

Monday blues and Monday reds

wee ... today got monday blue and red ... haha cos red is opposite...
got abit of mix la ... haha ...
hmm ... nth much to say abt today ....

jus wanna put 2 songs that speak of my heart ...
haha love prince song again ... haha ..
i mean zhang xin zhe ...
haha ...

first is tai xiang ai ni 太想愛你...
second is chong kai shi dao xian zai 從開始到現在...

first one tai xiang ai ni 太想愛你
慌亂城市中 連風都不自由
熱鬧的街頭 就屬我最寂寞
是愛的蠱惑 讓我又興起貪求的念頭
有多愛我 夠不夠久 會不會走

藏在柔順背後 你忠於自我
情愛裡游走 從不曾見你低頭
我卻常犯錯 像一個太忙太累太傻的陀螺
轉個不休 只放不收 停不了手

太想愛你 是我壓抑不了的念頭
想要全面佔領你的喜怒哀愁
你已征服了我 卻還不屬於我
叫我如何不去猜測 你在想什麼

太想愛你 是我壓抑不了的折磨
能否請你不要不要選擇閃躲
只想愛你的我 太想愛你的我
難道只能在迷霧中 猜你的輪廓

Want Too Much To Love You (Jeff Chang)
In a flurried city, even the wind is not free
On the bustling streets, consider me one of the loneliest
It's love's poison to let me raise interest in this idea again
How much do you love me, is it enough, will you leave?

Concealed behind meekness, you're devoted to yourself
Wandering in love, I've never seen you yield before
Yet I commit many wrongs, like a too busy, too tired, too foolish top
Spinning without rest, just can't conclude, can't stop...

Wanting too much to love you is my unconstrainable idea
I want to completely capture your happiness, anger, sadness, worry
You've already conquered me, yet still don't belong to me
How do you want me to guess what you're thinking?

Wanting too much to love you is my unconstrainable affliction
Can you please don't, don't choose to evade
I only want to love you, I want too much to love you
Must I only guess at your rough sketch from within this dense fog?


second is chong kai shi dao xian zai 從開始到現在
如果這是最後的結局
為何我還忘不了你
時間改變了我們告別了單純

如果重逢也無法繼續
失去才算是永恆
懲罰我的認真是我太過天真

難道我就這樣過我的一生
我的吻注定吻不到最愛的人
為你等從一開始盼到現在
也同樣落的不可能~

難道愛情可以轉交給別人
但命運注定留不住我愛的人
我不能我怎麼會願意承認
你是我不該愛的人

如果再見是為了再分
失去才算是永恆
一次新的記憶為何還要再生

難道我就這樣過我的一生
我的吻注定吻不到最愛的人
為你等從一開始盼到現在
也同樣落的不可能~

難道愛情可以轉交給別人
但命運注定留不住我愛的人
我不能我怎麼會願意承認
你是我不該愛的人

拿什麼作證
從未~ 想過愛一個人
需要那麼殘忍才證明愛的深

難道我就這樣過我的一生
我的吻注定吻不到最愛的人
為你等從一開始盼到現在
也同樣落的不可能~

難道愛情可以轉交給別人
但命運注定留不住我愛的人
我不能我怎麼會願意承認
你是我愛錯了的人

From Beginning Until Now (Jeff Chang)
If this is the final ending
Why can I still not forget you?
Time has changed, we've said our good-byes to innocence

Even if we met again, there's no way to continue
Only loss can be considered eternal
Penalizing my earnestness, it's that I was too naïve

Can it be that I will spend my life like this?
My kiss is doomed to never kiss my most beloved person
I've waited for you from the beginning looking forward to now
And falling the same way is an impossibility~

Can it be that love can be transferred to someone else
But fate is doomed to be unable to keep the one I love
I can't-- how could I?-- be willing to admit
You are someone I shouldn't have loved

If saying goodbye is for splitting up again
Only loss can be considered eternal
Why does what was once a new memory still resurface?

Can it be that I will spend my life like this?
My kiss is doomed to never kiss my most beloved person
I've waited for you from the beginning looking forward to now
And falling the same way is an impossibility~

Can it be that love can be transferred to someone else
But fate is doomed to be unable to keep the one I love
I can't-- how could I?-- be willing to admit
You are someone I shouldn't have loved

What should I use as proof?
Never before, did I think that loving a person
Needs to be so cruel to prove love's depth

Can it be that I will spend my life like this?
My kiss is doomed to never kiss my most beloved person
I've waited for you from the beginning looking forward to now
And falling the same way is an impossibility~




hai ya ... thats is wad i am feeling ... hai ...
guys are jerk ...
i am one
i don wanna be one ...
but fate force me to ...
so i got to live wif it ...
and be one ...

is true ... who will forget the girl which they are first time truely in love with .....

it is hard ... it hurts ...
even long time has pass ...
and when we meet ...
everything comes back ...
if u jus wanna see me happy and u are at ease ...
then i will smile ... and luff ...
jus like a actor on the stage ...
onli can find his princess actress on the stage onli too ...

signing off .... The Actor ...

Celebration part 2

wow ... reach there at 12.20 like that ...
go ntuc buy thing ... nearly 50 dollars ... wow heng got to ntuc voucher ... haha ...
left 10 dollars nia

but is ok ...
then we all have fun cleaning up dewu ... wow ... so dusty ...
i and few friends working so hard some of them jus sit inside .. but is ok la...
nvm ... haha more ppl more trouble ... bday boi sit inside ok la haha ...

then i sian liao ... i go eat ... wa all don do liao loh ... is like i do then they do ... haha bo bian ...
i am like sub head organizer ... haha ...
haha ... lol ... then we rest then i tired never play poker wif them ...
haha ... my heart also hai ...nvm onli know today must enjoy can liao ...
haha ...

then wa time flies ... wa sian loh ...
heaven like going to rain liao ...
hai ... even if no rain ppl also wont come ...
wa kao i sian half ...

hai ... then me and friend go buy ice ... wa run so many place n ice ...

then go 7-11 so many indians ...
ai ya ... not sg type is foreign type ... smelly ... then wa kao ...
finally reach 7-11 no ppn inside ... wa finally ... out of there ... then no ice also ... omg ... then me and friend don feel like going out but in the end we rush our way out sia ... yucks ...
eee

hai ... when i return ... as i predicted ...
no ppl ... hai ... then it will be a gathering for us liao ... haha ...
first celebrate the bday ... open the ice cream cake ... haha ... then cut till yucks ... i don dare eat ... haha go out eat buffet ... haha ... lol ..

then hor ... haha show going to start ...
first the all drawing competition haha ...
kids drawing ... expected ... haha lol ...
first prize is winni the pooh ... wahaha so cute ...
second is i forget ... haha
third is hippo ...
haha lol ... then yeah my show started ...
ee this year chang er that is me look like chang er has grown old ... and has change to jap style ...
eee ugly still got a mole like PCK ...

haha ... then performance start ... start of show i slip and fall ... omg .. haha ...

then we didnt reherse at all ... is jus on the spot act all out ...
haha ... create alot of joke ... haha ... yeah ...
ppl enjoy can liao ... haha ...

then hor ... haha right after we perform ...
the entire building blackout ...is like omg but heng we clever ...
is lantern time and fire works time ... haha ... lol ... yupee ... haha ...

haha play and play ... finally light back ... then haha
is again games ...
step ballon time ... haha ...
yeah ... fun ... haha ...
hai yo ... i sad for my friend ...
hai ... tied down my gf ... hai ...
cannot this cannot that ... is like ...
over possessive ... haha
nvm ... we outside better don say much ...
haha ...
haha then ... haha birthday bash ...
haha ... don know why all kids rush first ... haha that one still ok ...
then out turn ... wahha ... all the way beat ... haha ..

then after that ... is ziwei turn ... cos one more week is his ... haha i start first. .. also beat ... haha ... 20 times ... hah ... damn hard ... i tot i hard liao ... kids beat even harder .. is like wow ....

haha ...
ai ya enjoy can liao ...

no need groom abt no ppl coming ...
since no ppl come then make the best out of everything ... haha ... we all seniors have fun then haha ... yeah ... then after that all slack out .. hah ... tired ...
esp me ... did so much work too ...
haha ... heng go coach live near me ... went off wif him haha ... came home sitting here ... haha going to study for tml test ... hmm ...
yeah ... wanna say i miss ya ... still i love u
yet got to move on ... so see fate ba ...

:) ... good luck to me test tml ...

Celebration

Yupee i now going out for my mooncake celebration ...
organization ...
will update more bloggie ... bb

An Actor Part 2

An Actor's life on stage ...
if u understand the true meaning of wad i typing then u will know how i feel know ...


Life on stage ...

an actor of a story would of cos want to have alot of ppl to watch the show

but me this actor of feeling ...
i wish there isnt ...
hope there isnt any viewers ...
cos i will not have to act ...
but it is never true ...
so i will forever be in this acting "job"
a free labour job ...
but is ok ...
since i am trap here ... then i will have to find the actress ...
cos onli the actress will know i am faking my feelings and onli the actress will know my true feeling ...

the actress ... who will it be ... i don know ...
i onli know that one of the viewer now tht is watching me act ... will one day be my actress next time ...
yeah ...

Did anyone know i am a racing car in life ...
even i walk also ...
i have great speed in everything ...

once i start "walking" and "moving"
i will start veri slow ...
but slowly i will be like bullet train ...
thats y hardly anyone can catch my speed in life ...
the adventure thirst ...

yeah but one things is ... the faster i go the heavier i fell if i trip on sth ...
the worst the injuries ...
now ... still healing a never gonna recover injuries ... cost the love plant poison is in me ...
so i still have to move ... don want to be left behind ...
i want to be first ...
i moved on wif my wounds ... slowly speeding up ...
jus i will never be like wad i used to be ...
cos the scar will be there ...

but ... maybe thats part of my life ...
glad i have this fall ... a pause in life that once make me warm ...
and now cold again ...

i onli regret myself for being myself ... cos look at me ...
hai i am jus nth but jus a small fly ... an ugly fly ...


The Lonely Actor ...

An Actor

Todays topic is abt an actor ...

yeah ... i am the actor ...
an actor of my feelings ...
the world and time is my stage ...
the ppl ard me shall be by viewer ...

an actors' job is to betray their own character and feelings and act out wad viewers wanna see ...
yeah ...
say things viewer wanna hear ...

they cannot say the real thing if not alot of prob will arise ...
hai ...

i don wish to ba an actor ... but like i say in my few blogs ago ...
i was force into this actor job and not getting any money ...

an actor waiting for a particular viewer to bring him out of the acting world ...
into the real world where he can show his feeling out ... and yet received in return ...

hai like wad shi hui say ... dan lian is tong ku ...
but when u don know if is dan lian or zi zhuo duo qing or both parties still like each other ... that is more painful ... cos u cant cfm anything ...

so ... i got to act ...
since small i good at acting ...
but not good at acting feelings ...
got to learn ..

if her ans is still the same guess i wont be able to get out the acting world until i die ba ... hai ...

today in training ... foot got alot of blister hai ... painful ...
hai ...

i am jus cheating myself ... i am jus simply hiding ...

an actor like micheal learns to rock ... hai ...
i am so sad ... nono ... i am happy ...

:) yeah i have a good day ...
haha ... have fun out at training too and suntec accompany my friend buy digital video cam printer and cdrw ... hai ...
ya ... that all ... don wish to say liao ...

tml ba...
i know one day ... i will act in one scene ... the scene where u see the one u love loving someone else ...

that will be the hardest part to act ... maybe that part of acting ... i will jus
take leave off then hide myself up ... and then bloggie sry ... i wont be seeing u ... or i will secretly come find u ...

i love u ... yeah u
i love first to third mei ...
*dotes*

who will it be ???

haha ... today got some lines to share ...

If nothing last forever ...
who will be my nothing ...

and also this one ...

will you be by the side of the one you love ?
or
be by the side of the one that love you ???

which one will u choose ...

i will choose be by the side of the one i love la ...
...
but ppl who choose this ya ... sad thing is ...
then one u love maybe not realli love u
but sometimes will will and still got to realise that
who realli love them ...
appreciate them ...
and u will know who to love them back ...

some ppl show love in a silence way ...
some ppl is force to keep it but yet they wanna show it out jus that the situation cant ...

hai ...

sad sad sad ...


hai ... today a veri busy day ... but during break went in to see her blog ...
hai ... missing *** ... tot of her ... hai ... so go in see see pic loh ...
hai ...

in my mind everything is abt her ...
all i know is her ...
i tried to gif it up ...
seems unsuccessful ...
but i can only hide it ...
if not trouble will stir again ...

hai ...
it takes great courage to keep on acting ...
being a full time self employed actor is hard ...
especially when wanna act out a different emotion from ur heart ...

i am one of the actor ...
i rather be not ...
cos the actress wish to continue the show ...
so i have to follow ...

hihi bloggie ...

haha lol ... today ... a gd day ba ...
haha ... morning went to sch ... afternoon like that first time step into shs lab ...
whah ...
the com haha ... lol ... no comments ...

will appreciate the com in our lab ... haha lol ...

haha ... spend nice time wif uma and gin ... hehe

haha abt the jokes ... hah life guards ... haha ... is cfm lol loh ... haha ...
especially uma's expression ...

haha later then went back to do proj wif friends ...

haha ... hmm today i will again ... blog wad i feel in song ...

haha ... first i going to complete the jie kou .... sth i didnt blog it up

the last part of jie kou ...
it say ...
ru guo yao zhong qi ni ji de wo ...
ru guo nan guo qing ni wang le wo ...

it means ..
if u realli wanna go pls remember me ...
if u feel pain and sad ... pls forget me ...
cos i want to best for u ...

haha ... then still got this song ... hai ... it say abt thing i refuse to say
or no chance and don wish to say ...

the song is
xin yang by prince of love song >> zhang xin zhe ...



if u got the song ... pls go listen to it ... u will know wad i feeling ...

but ... yet ... kibou dakeha shinjite ...

haha think i today write xin yang ...

......
everytime i hear of something familiar
it will bring back my memories
everytime i see the white moon
it reminds me of ur pretty face

i know i shld not think of it
and cannot think of it
but yet still think of u whos has made ma heart feel sour
make me think of u ... is u
i know those i shld not say ..
sway ur mind
.......
if that time i kiss u more that time i hug u tighter ...
maybe ending is different
i realli hope and pray for it do u know that ...
my love for u
is a veri clear veri strong believe
my love for u
is so warm so brave strength
i don care heart how pain ...
don care love for u how hard
don care wad others think

my love is a believe that will bring me close to ur side ...
...
...
...
my strength of my love for u
is coming from my soul my life ...
in the forever land u are like wind who have heard my shouting ...
love is a believe which bring u back to my side again
love is a believe which bring u back to my side again

yeah those are the part that say wad i saying ... hah ...


walking down to road str ... i know one day one the of sun will come and shine for me ...

A Raining Tuesday ...

Today is a rainy day ...
haha lol ...

in the morning me woke up ... early ... yawns ... tired ... then

go help her do her blog ... haha ...
yeah ... brains thinks better in the morning ...
so do ur template is the morning .. haha ...
then prepare for sch ...

in sch ... haha ... we say later sure rain ...
suai suai we say correct ... cos my friend wanna go swimming wif her friend ... haha

lol ... then hai ... ya ...

i know outside raining ...
wondering how was it at the south side of singapore ...
but yet don wanna to disturb ma ...
but after that later .... i finally make m hand press the send button ...
haha lol ...
gd la ... got enjoy ...
dun get sick ...
dun wanna see her sick ...

hai ... then read yi wei blog ...
is was like a love novel by her ... haha .. she wrote till veri touch ...
veri touch my heart ...
hai ... but standing at her shoe ...
i can see wad actually her heart still wish hard for ...

some ppl might get their wish come true ... some may not ...
no one knows ...

today ... hear zhang xin zhe song call xing yang ...
hai ... it speak part of wad my inner heart wanna say
if u got the song go listen ...
...

i don know wad to do ... closing my eyes my walk all the way str ...

hope to still have u ... guilding me in the game of trust ...
i fully trusted u ...
first time in my life that my mind and heart can be at ease and can rest ...
but now this place is gone ...

jus like my friend's nick looking forward till the time where u and me can be close again ...

it take alot of courage to keep loving ...
appreciate this courage ... and keep it tight ...

Monday ... A Walk To Remember ...

yeah ... bloggie ... wake up and listen to wad i have to say today ...
basically today is jus not a bad day ...
but morning the horoscope ... abit spoilt my mood ... haha ...

nvm ... shall see to it then ba ...
haha ... lol ... is not abt ma la ...

haha ...

okok today ... morning got a test ... not bad la ... shld be can pass it ba ...
onli study abit here and there nia ... haha ...

haha then before lunch ... omg ... stomach pain
batman .... in chinese pain ful sia ... pian fu xia ... haha ...

then went toilet ... then haha after that sms her ... then going for lunch wif them ...

haha i think i am the one who actually miss them most ba ... haha ...
haha then while waiting ... a aunty came tok to me ...
i was like kind of stunt ... haha ... to abt bags ... abt her daughter ...
omg ... i was like y u telling me all this ... haha ... abt she and her daughter buying ex bag and she complain ... haha ... lol ... heng
the call came ... haha ...

when saw then esp her ... delighted ... i was happy veri happy ...
ya after so long finally get to see them ... ya ...
then i smell her perfume ...
same old perfume ... but i like the smell ...
haha ... ya ... they ate lunch and they came to accompany moi ... haha ... i pass her the phone cover ... haha ... veri tight ...

hmm if don want then don put it loh ... is ok de ...
haha ...
when the tot of going back to study again ... and cannot see them again ...
i sian½ hai ... then hor ...
when reach there ... that stupid teacher late for 1 hour ...
wad the hell ... 1 hour can make alot of difference for me u know ...
arghs ... then after that spend another 1 hour telling her wad we done ...
which is not for her module ...
she is jus know how to tok but don know her teaching stuff ...
hai ...
i keep giving faces to my friend when presenting ....

hai ...

then today ... in finance class ... hai ... wrote 2 poem ...
hai don think is suitable to put it up ba ...
cos will cos alot of stir ...
ya ... hiding the fact ...
hai ... nvm ...

not back back at home ... telling my blog all this ... reminds me also i got proj to do also ...
sad ... no mood ...

hai .. i i i jus wanna ...
ha forget it ...

last Paragraph ... A Walk To Remember Featuring Mandy Moore & Jonathan Foreman Singing
SomeDay We'll Know ...

is A love story ... they seperated for some reason ..
then hu know when is was like they feel everything is impossible ...
but somehow ... love brought them back again ...
yeah .. a super touching show ...
jus the advertisement an the mtv has touch my heart ...
a veri long time show la ... haha ...

ya ...
mission impossible ????
nth is impossible ???

weee ... at least a busy day to keep my mind busy

wee haha yeah ... as u can see bloggie ... my nick ...
ok la not realli busy day la ...

haha morning wake
hai ... nth to do ... play abit of game loh ...

then went out for dewu board meeting ...
cos we are organising a annually function at the end of the year ... is like 2 more months nia ... haha ...

yeah ... but before that we got a moon cake festival ...
omg man ..
i am the script writer and i am chang er ... AGAIN ...
sian ... sian ... the next sunday loh ... wa kao ... hai ...
nvm will do my best ...

haha today trainign as usually ... jus tat when in car ...
listen to my friends cd ...
hai an jing by jay ... yong qi by liang jing ru ... and alot more ...
all toks abt my heart ... i listen liao .. hai ... look outside the window .. and try not to think of anything ...

haha guess wad ... after that ... she called me ...
wow shock ...
ooo is wei wei la ... haha ... she wanna join wushu ... whaha ...

lol ... hai ... abt the blog thing nvm ... don wanna say much also ...
breaks heart ... kind of sad to hear it ... but is ok la ...
nth can be done ...
haha but i was happi la ... haha ... real smile of the day ... excited also ... haha ...

joining wushu is good .. yeah ... but still not cfm la ...
is still up to them to decide ... haha ...
i can onli pyscho ... hehe ...

wei wei ... come join wushu ... wei wei come join us in wushu ...
wei wei wei wei wei wei wei wei .... hehehehehe lol ...

okok la ... i shall stop for today ... haha ...

jay's song speaks my heart ... qi li xiang's third song jie kou ...

Pls read translation .... yeah ... read ...

ye she ni yi jing fang qi wo
ye she yi jing heng nan hui tou ...
wo zhi dao shi zhi ji chuo guo ...
qing zai gei wo yi ge li you shuo ni bu ai wo ...
jiu shuan zhe wo bu dong
nen bu nen yuan liang wo
qing bu yao ba feng shuo dang zhuo ni de qing qiu ...
wo zhi dao ni jian chi yao zou
qing ni shuo ge jie kou
qing ni hui tou wo hui pei ni yi zhi zou dao zui hou

jiu shuan mei you jie guo
wo ye nen gou chen shou
wo zhi dao ni de tong
shi wo ge de chen nuo
.....
....
ru guo yao zou
qing ni ji de wo ...

maybe you have given me up
maybe is hard to turn back now
i know is i miss the chance
pls gif me a reason again saying u don love me

even if i don know wad it means
can u forgive me
pls don take break up this word as a veri easy to say word
i know if u insist of going
pls gif me a excuse
pls turn back i will accompany u till the end

even if there is no ending for us ...
i will also be mature enuff
i know ur pain
is cos of my promise and words ...
....
...
..
if u wanna go ...
PLS REMEMBER ME ...

hmm today ...

hmm today woke up in the morning ...
not realli tired ...

went online ... wee ... haha ... play abit of game then chiong proj...

hehe ... then she went offline ... mei went out ... hai so sian

haha then walk here and there ... cook mee ...
hai buai tahan ...
so bored ... so i go training loh ... haha cos after that can go shi fu hse play those cute small dogs ... haha .. i love them ...

haha then at night went training again ... hai ... release all my accmulated stress ..
at least when i am at wushu ... my head wont think that much ...

ya wont think that much ... hai ...

haha ya .. then hor i came home ... yupee ... haha ... first thing ....
still same like last ime went to see her blog ...
wa... so nice the pics ... haha ... dress till so nice ...
then red hat match her sia ... haha lol ...
hehe ... lol .. then tok to my training mate (female) who is on the same plight boat as me ... haha ...

Wan86:"Still Slow Transfering from human RAM memory to treasure box, to heart and to permanent memory"

lol .. .slow transfer rate ... hope wont got mix up or force to cancel the transfer before it is finish ...

a happier day ...

yos yos ... bloggie ..
u know hor ...
i been asking myself ...

i feeli like asking if ...
if there is a single chance if we can still be together ...
i jus wan a veri clear and str forward ans ...
must be truthful of cos ...

me now is in a state where my mind is clear ...
my sense of direction is back ...

i am not lost now ...
i wanna lead wanna take charge of my own life again ...
jus wanna know if there is a even a single chance we may walk side by side again ...

not infront of me not behind me but beside me ...

i need an ans ...

but thinking back wad u told me i think i know the ans ... but yet i do not wish to hear it ...

i need ur true heart words ...
not mouth words ...
for jus this once ... go wif ur heart and tell me the ans ...
thank you ...
if is still the same ... i jus wanna hear it one more time ...
if it is still the same ... can i gif u the last hug ... the last ever gd bye kiss i will gif u ...
a kiss gone forever ...

hehe ... hehe**

today ... found that dang ni gu dan ni hui xiang qi shui ... by nicholas teo ...haha
nice song ...
today hear alof of song that describe my heart's feeling ... haha lol ...
hai ...

but is always hard to see the one u love loving others ...

but if thats the fact i got to accept to pain it cos to me ... and live bravely with it ...

loving u is sth i never regret ...

clear mind clear thinking

yeah ... thx to third mei ...

haha i know which direction i shld go liao ...

haha ... ya ... i shld try my veri best to do things i i know
i will not regret in the future ...

hehe ... fight for wa u want and wad u like ...
if it meant to be urs it is urs ...
if not urs is not urs ...

if i fail ... i will let go ...
let it pursure other dreams ...

if i succeed i will make the best of out everything ...
make it the best thing that will ever happen ...

yeah ...
looking good ... haha ...

may god be wise to make wiser desicion ...

dun feel like writing

think tml when i got cooler head then i blog ...

bad feeling ... mix feeling ... worst feeling a guy will ever feel ...

wanna say ...
one word from u means heaven and earth for me ...

i still love u alot ...

I got to start to chase her back ...

Second blog of the day

yo bloggy i am back ...

haha ...
today hor ... me and friends went play table tennis wor ...
haha they all pro leh ...
thats y is so fun playing ... haha ...
yeah haha ... lots of fun ...
haha ... i so long no play liao
got 3 to 4 years no play liao ...
my skill still not bad wor ...
haha ... i am a multi sports person ... haha ...

ya then ... so tired ... went lect ...
then me and friends siao liao ...
we went to sit at the first row ...
haha ... is lol loh ...
the lecturer say ... so rare ...
and we are going to taste his saliva liao ...
eee so gross ... lol ...
haha ... we four at the front ... actually took turns to slp liao ..
then hor my friend beside me slp till mouth open so big ...
got sound some more ...
and cher beside him nia ...
then i woke him up ... haha ...
cant imagine ... slpin in front of tutor eyes ...

haha ... then when going to half time break ... wahah .. sms ... haha ...
delights of the day wor ... haha ...
then at break time went home le ...
his first row gone ... haha
lol ...
hmm she say she going to meet friend ... he got prob ...
wahahah ...
okok ...

ya ... think they now still toking or going home liao le ...
hai ... nvm ...

told her to take care ...
then i waiting for her online ...


...when u care for that person ... every little things mean alot to u ...

haha one more person to dote on

haha haha ...
yupee ..
by chance got to know a sec 2 girl ... who do wushu too ...
haha ... chatted wif her ...
wa veri happy go lucky type also ...

haha ... guess wad ... haha she wanna become my mei mei wor ..
haha okok ic ... gd also ...

at first onli jus take her as chat mate ....
wahah ... be my sis also gd ... got more ppl to dote on also ...
haha ... lol ...

i love having sisters ....
yeah ... cute sister ... hehe ... haha ...
haha ...

hai then in the morning ...
i called her ... wa she so awake ...
hmm then she not slp yet ...
hai yo ... think she build her castle till too late liao le la ..
also cannot blame her for building the castle ...
got to dote the hammi also ma ...

haha but hai ... she didnt catch some slp then got to work ...
hope she got the energy ...
xin teng

hai ... jus hope that her day will be a gd one ...

okok i shall end here ... gtg pom and go sch liao ...


how can i resist my heart ...

A Day Silence Killed Moi

good evening bloggie ... today came in blog early ...
tell u hor ...
hai ...
today was a day where everything was silence in my life
and these silence nearly drown me ...

wad can i do ...
i jus feel like crying ...
this kind of feeling is hard to bear ...

cry cry cry ... is that all i could do ...
ans is no ... thats y i didnt ...
i jus kept quiet ... bear it in silence ...

then at ard 455 like that ... we went south canteen ... saw nurse ...
excited abit ...
but saw is others ...
mood went back again ...

everytime i see a nurse i cant stop think of her again ...
twice i am at the end where i was broken hard ...
this was the hardest ...

now ... right now ... how i wish i don need to think of anything ...
and jus let me
fall in to a battlefield ...
arm wif axe and sword ....
fight it out ...
release some stress ...

after so much things ... i can say i can get jealous at times ...
but i do know how to think and control ...

hai ya ... blog ... wad have i type ...
don know wad the hell have i type ...

bloggy help me ...
help me ...

A Day Out Of Home ...

wahah ... hmm .. yesterday didnt say much ...
haha yeah went east coast ..
haha shoik ... see sea ...
haha ... then ride bike ... haha ... quite fun la ... friends ... playing ...
enjoying ...
hahah ...
then hor when we on the way to the lan shop ...
my friend suggest say before my 2 friend go army ...
go chiong leh ...
haha i excited sia ...
feel like going also ...
haha i first timer ...
hehe lol ...

hmm wanna try also ...

haha lol ... see la ... will have chance de ...

then went to lan shop piang piang ...

then i went off early cos later got anniversary dinner at sec sch ...

yeah at there liao ...
met up alot of old clasmate ...
haha have a great dinner ...
yummp ...
is a buffer la ...
me ate ...
3 roti prata ... 2 palte of chicken rice ... i plate of kuay tiao erm ...
5 rolls of the wad u call that ...(sth like spring roll but it is the one strip of veg) haha then still got satay ...
wahaha so full sia ... song ...
then we class went walk walk ... and went into a empty class...
the suddenly our fav form teacher walk pass ... came in and tok to us ...
and before she went off ...
we class stand class greet ...
wa she say she was touch ...
i am too ...
this kind of feeling ...
again comes into my heart ...
wa ...u know 2 years ... it has been 2 years plus liao ...
song song ...

haha ... now today ... hai yo ... morning woke up ...
no ppl in msn so sian ...
heng bro let me see alien vs predator ..

nice show sia ... real nice ...
haha ...

haha then went to my club hse ... where we got the 7 month pray pray ...
hehe to food is yummy ...
haha 2 day big eating ... wah ...
think will grow fat abit ... haha ... can feel the heavy weight in moi ...
haha ... lol ...
then me and friends were last to go ma ... then downstairs ...
got a old aunty ... come up complain ... we bo chap her ...
ai ya ... is cos the burned paper flew to her stairs there ...
wa lao she didnt bye the stairs there ma ...
and also wind blow how can we control ...
jus a bastard ... haha ... hai ... nvm ... then ooo no ...
stomach abit pain liao ...
heng is abit nia ...
haha ... lol ...
then uncle tong bang us to jurong ...
haha ...
uncle got a daughter ... i think k2 or pri 1 ...
she veri cute ..
she always see me always shy shy de ...
is jus me onli ...
last time she even worst ... more shy ...
uncle told me is ...
got once i teach her gong li quan ...
then i like mei mei ma ... so i ask her intro her name ...
i know hers liao la ... then i intro mine ...
must communicate wif student ... haha ...
then uncle say ... she go home keep ... chanting ...
guangyao kor kor ... and guangyao kor kor jiao wo gong li quan ...
wahaha so cute ... she chanted for a week ...

haha ... since that session onwards she veri shy ...
haha then she always see me wif that eyes ...
those ... like an lian eyes ... but hor ...
must admit ... her eyes can gif eletricity ...
haha ... then today in car when in ... haha she look at me again ...
haha then look back at her eyes la ...
haha ... haha if can let me dote her ...
haha realli want a mei mei ... like her like tat ...
then hor ... she got xin ge ... means got characte type ...
haha ... haha lol ... then training as usual ... then uncle send us home again ...
i was in car liao ... then she came in ... again look at me again .. haha ...
forget hu last time say ... scar li she fall for me ...
haha lol ... i say siao ... she so young ... be my mei mei ... then better ...
will love and protect her wif my life .. haha ...
haha ... hai nvm ...
come back to home ... wa i wrote alot liao le wor ... yawns ... tired ...

I Once Met A Girl That I Truely Love & Truely Love The Girl That I Once Met

Once i gif out my heart ... i will never take it back ...

god

i dun dare to carry any hope ..
but i know i still love her ...
no one can change a person feeling
especaill love ...


wad can i do ...
i am a tired man ...
waiting for his slp
a slp forever ...
cos there is nth
worth for him to keep
his eyes open ...

a cold heart ...
freezing to death ...
jus a matchstick lighted up
even in that veri winter ..
it gives hope ...
my match stick is all gone and used up ...
my onli warm light and hope is from the sky ...
from the god .. from my fate ... from my time ...
hope that these light will bring me thru the times ...
and let me see that veri same rainbow again ...
or god wont take me to another place ...
a place where no lover will wanna go ...
the broken land ...

god lead me the way ...
which ever way u lead me to ...
to hell to reborn to to relive me ...
jus do it ...
when i open my eyes ... i will walk this road blindly
never look back wad road u chose for me ...
until the day when i finish the road and saw the ending ...
then i will know which road was it ...

reborn is to get new live ...
to hell is to continue to suffer in silence ...
to relive me is to gif me second chance ...

closing my eyes now ...

time can change feeling ...
to and fro ... gone and back ...
is totally reversible ...

times tells me so ...

...

LovE StArT WItH A SmiLe, GrOw WiTh A KiSs, aNd EnD WiTh A TeArS. DoNt CrY OvEr AnY OnE WhO WoNt crY OvEr YoU. WaT Do U Do If ThE OnLy PeRsOn Who CaN MaKe U SToP CrYiNg Is ThE PeRsOn Who Make u CrY? If LoVe Isn'T a Game, WhY R dErE So MAnY PlAyErs? A KiSs Is JuSt A kIss unTil U FInD ThE OnE U LoVe. ThE HaRdEsT ThInG To Do Is To WaTCh ThE OnE U LoVe loVe SoMe OnE ElSe.. NobOdY Is PeRfEcT UnTil U FaLL In LoVe WiTh ThEm.. iT iS HaRd tO LeAvE De oNe u tRuLy LoVe.. wOrD iS CrUeL, lOvE Is bLiNe. LoSt iN SaDdNeSs, BlUr iN MiNd. HeArT hAs bRoKeN, fLaMe hAd dIeD. tImE HaS PaSs n u r nOt mInE.. +`[(_`-Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear..-`_)]`+ +`[(_`-nOtHiNg HuRtS mOrE tHaN rEaLiSiNg He MeAnT eVeRyThInG tO yOu BuT yOu MeAnT nOtHiNg To HiM....-`_)]`+ +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ThOuGh A FailuRe iN loVe I Am, BuT gOoD FriEnDs rEaChEd oUt tHeiR hAnDs, TeLliNg mE, I nOe u cAn, TAkE mY hAnD n Up u sTaN


haha took from yi wei bloggie ... sound nice ... haha
so copy it loh ...

hai ... bloggie sry today i don feel like writing wad i feel ...
no point too ... i came back here is cos i still treat u as my close friend ...
cos after all u know wad n howm y heart things and know my heart matter liao ...
jus today i choose to tell u late half of the day ..

dun worry dear bloggie i will keep u updated ...

hello bloggie u there ... tok to me reply me ...
hai nvm ...bye bye ... i hate my life

A morning of codes ...

yos yos ...
haha morning at 8 woke up call her ... haha ...
i think i alarm myself ... wahaha ... lol ...
she went back to slp ...
heng she slp ...
cos she is sick again ...

then i straight went open com and log on to diaryland to study codes liao ...

haha ...
fresh mind ... thats wad i need ... i analyse ...
then i conclude there is no prob here ...
pro lies somewher ...
then i try to "hack" her acct
haha cos i forget her password ... haha
then bo bian ... i create a new diaryland call tryingland ... haha
cos i got her script ma ... so is ok ...
then try try try ... till ard 2 hours plus later ...
haha head nearly going to blow up ...
also cos of the server so busy ... hai ...
the brain is like time bomb ... ready to blow off at top anytime ...
haha ... then
huang tian bu fu you xin ren ...
i finally understand wad the programmer is trying to do ... so ...
haha .. got the trick ... then
everything wasnt smooth ... keep kanna the server busy ... lol ...
haha ... heng the main problem was solved ...
now left those not so big problem which she is now clever enuff to solved liao ...
proud of her haha ...
learning ...
yeah ...
then in sch ... wahah ... did even more programming ... asp.net ... wahah ...
quite smoothing ... then ai yo ... now then remember ... tml got biz comm test ...
wahah haven study yet ... haha eng letter writing like ... hai sure fail ... sian ...
haha ... then when reach home straight away do project till ard 9 like that jus nice ... haha ... now ... smelling the air in my room ... feeling less sick but nose still abit block ..

pray to god that she get well after tonight slp ...
she is a bai yi tian shi that need to care for patients ...
god bless her ...
waiting ... for her ... in everything ... every mins counts ...

sick ... veri sick ..

hai yo ...ar ha choo............

i think got ard 30 plus times today ...
realli buai tahan ...
the nose ... alot of "water"

hai ya ... sian day ... went to sch found out lesson cancel ... slack for 2 hrs loh ... hai ... i am so sick ...
then went for seminar ... haha ... walk off half way ...

then later went to take the refreshment secretly ...
cos not yet started .. wa heng sia ...
jus as me shir and jo abt to walk off ...
4 lectures turn in ...
wa heng loh ...
but the food suc la ...
not nice ...
hai ... then later went for wushu ...
played arm wrestling ... hehe ... i won my friends ... jus draw wif another big guy ...
i strong wor ... stronger then ppl older then me ... hehe .... happi ...
haha ... then went for training ... didnt do much ...
sick ma ... when wanna jump the "water" in my nose like wanna fly out like that ...
eee er xin ... gross ... ya gross ... that me hor ... ***
haha but it didnt flew la ... i kept it inside ...

haha then when class going to end ... hai saw sms ... not from her ... but from others ...
hai ... sian ...
then agree to go amk wif seniors ... tok alot ... then yeah yupee ... sms came ... i tot is that person asking for performance sms me again ... hey this time different ...
my eyes brighten up wor ... hehe ...
haha lol ... then fast fast went home ...
and ta da here i am ...
hai today i listen to jue ding ai ni by vivian hsu ...
like the lyrics ...
it goes ...
one day i will sure get wad i have been waiting ...
that smile of my life ...

haha yeah ...
i never knew why i was deep into her ...
from me last time ... i would have gif up easily ...
i think love ba ... is her that change me ...
yeah my friend say so too ...
that my love for her ...
chi qi person ba ...

okok end my blog here for today ba ... hehe ...
muacks ***

yawns ... hehe nice tue evening and night ...

bloggie ...
hehe ...

today ... didnt went for night class ...

haha ... ai ya ... go hor i also no study ...
then in sch veri sick ...
heart sick so make me physically more sick ...
haha so went home loh ...
bath ok liao ... so song ... then fast fast go online ...
yeah saw her ....
haha ... feeling good ... like the sickness getting better liao ... haha ...

then tok to bai yi tian shi abt ah mas ...
the ah ma poor thing ...
hai ...

i last time was a volunteer ...
last time don know wher to help in ...
now i know liao ... if next time i got chance i know wher to go ...
maybe kk is a good choice ... can see baby ...
haha ... i love baby ... haha ...

lol ... okok ... then today ... hai saw mei's blog ...
at wild wild wet there ... haha ... decided to help her ...
think will meet her up there go buy ba ... haha ... lol ...

the weidi also ... hai ... if he intend to bully her ...
he this time siao liao ...

haha ... a note to uma and mel ... pls update ur blog often ...
is rotting liao ... haha ...
interested to know wad happen in ur hospital ... haha ...
...
lol ..

hai ...my nose ... cannot touch water ... touch water is sneeze ... haha ...
haha bo bian ... hope i will get better ...
cos when i sick my pimples will come out ... hai ...

taking care of myself ...

chuan dao qiao tuo zhi ran zi
loving a always ...

in labby now ...

arghs ...

bloggie ...
wo heng xiang ta ...
wo de xin heng pa ...
i am scare ...
scare to lose her ...
my heart is missin her deeply ...

i need her ... need her right now ...

i i i ...

i luv her alot and alot and alot ...

jus too much to use words to describe ...

every alarm i gave her ... is her that gif the strength to wake and call her ...

...

hai ya ...going for next lesson liao ...
...
i am missing her in my life ...

wad kind of monday is today ...

wad is going on ...

hai yo ...
i realli don know wad to blog today ... realli don know wad to say ...

theres a thousand words to say yet i don know how and wher to start ...

my heart is feeling all luan ... i know she is too ... veri luan ...
i understand ...

wads the ending will be like ...
love is selfish ...
wad can i say ...

saw her mood ... is tong zai xin li ...
wo bu yao duo shuo le ...
wo yao orh orh le ...
need to calm down to think ...
ming tian ... yao zao qi ...
wei le ai ... wo yuan yi wei ni de yi qie ...

strive and believe in wad u love ...
my love ... thats u ...

a day i call sunday ...

today ...

today ...

let me collect me feeling ...

ok i start last night ...

hmm sms alot of things ... then
when she never reply ...
i don dare to sms her le ...
i know is limit le ...
hai ... i was totally awake last night ...
then i sms my mei ... cos i in need a friend to seek to ...
heng she not yet slp ...
thank god ...
then she quan me to slp ...
hai ... i promise her ...
but still feel no good ...
empty stomach also ... so force myself to eat sth ...
if not if i weak how i handle myself and others ...

i told mei ...
i try to have fun wif friends ... try to get to know new friend ...
but i know i am tao bi nia ...
when i alone ...
i start to think of her again ...
and each time i bleed more and more ...

even jus now in uncle car ...i look at the sky ... thinking again ...
look at my friend then i pretend to slp ... hai ...
then i pull my guy friend shoulder to lean on ...
i feel alone ... feel cold ... mai huo cai de xiao nue hai ...

no one knows wad is going to happen in future ...
tresure everything now ...
and not ... keep thinking that next time u will do this or that ...
nth is greater then giving ur love to the other one u love ...

pls hold it on tight ...
will u pls hold it too ...
i believe this is also a obstacle
sth like the prince faced ...
i will strive and believe in wad i want ...
i believe in striving ...
i strive for my believe ...
i know wad i want ... i truely know wad i want ...
i am clear i am wake ...
pls think it over ...

i dun want to carry this heavy burden anymore ... onli u can lighten it ...

word of the day : striving to get wad i believe in ...

wad is happening to me

bloggy save me ...

i mentally too stress out liao ...

hai ...
today went to sch see friend bandsout ... gd that they won second ...
congrats ...

then later went mac eat ... didnt eat my second lunch ...
don feel like eating again ...
i aet my lunch at 3 plus like that ...

then went back home on the way ... saw a van full of uv light ... then u look at it ..
like sth poke into my eye ... then i partially blind ...
feel so terrible ...
then started to feel abit giddy ...
reach home ... straight go bath ...
bath hor liao ... started to worst ... comes right side headache ... and wanna feel like vomiting ...
first is me inside shaking ...
like i fear sth and feeling no good like that ...

migrain is it how that spell ... second time i got migrain like headache and second time i partially blind ...

feel terrible ...
my head already pain liao ... now making it worst ... but nvm ...
will tahan ...

bloggy ... i am feel ok alright ... but but i i i ... hai ...
moi love her ... *** love hu ....

arghs ... don know .. i need some rest liao ...
before i go i wanna say some words to her ...
but yet ... yet ... i don know ...
i love u ... wo tai ai ni le ...
na ni ne ???
ni xin li mei you wo ma ...

signing off ... feeling veri weak liao ... buai buai ... take care muacks ..

A *** Sat Morning ...

Wake up wake up ... early in the morning ... woke up by my bro noise ...
went to mum roon to slp .. like last week but this time wil a different feeling ...
my heart so *** ... hai ... slp slp onli manage another 1 hr of slp ... turn here turn there ...
there is onli sth some one in my mind ...
so i sms her ... wishing her good ...
yeah ... then continue lying ...

i feel veri fan sian ... hate myself ...
no one home ...
i shouted out loud ...
doesnt realli feel better ... come msn no one tok ...
realli bored ...
when i need ppl there isnt any ...
at times onli ...

something to keep me busy in my brain ...
cant play game ...
cant do anything at home ...
expect lie on bed and think ...

i tot of alot ...
my final conclusion ...
i still love her alot ...
now clinging on to every hope wif my everything ...
my life on it ...

hai ... now tok to bloggy ... wad i feel ...
feeling better ...
but still nth to do ...
later at 5 going nyp cos yi da got bandsout ... wish him luck ...
we are buddies ... support u all the way ...

good thing in my wushu life ... i got 2 good buddies ... jin fu and zi wei ...
realli good friends ...
last time is they 2 nia ..
then when i join poly ... i was accepted into their grp ...
yeah became wushu buddy ... haha sparing also together ... haha ...

but sad ... zw in ns ... jf going soon ...
i will miss them ...
my weekdays will be veri bored without them ...
hai ... arghs ... don know la ...

things arent going wad i want it to be ...
guess last week is high week ... now is low week ... soon
ya soon will be high week again ...
realli hope so ...

i cant accept a sad gy ...
but i am now ...

kibou dakeha shinjite
(believe in hope)

yeah thats wad i learn in vandread anime ...
i learn and master alot of moral from anime ...
yeah ...

word of the day ... kibou dakeha shinjite (believe in hope)

y like that ... diaryland

hai ...
in the after noon of friday...
prepare to go out ... then wait for mum's fried rice ...
went to bed rest ... hai madly think of her again ...
miss her alot ... but don dare say it ... onli can tell bloggy ...

then go training ... nth much ...
then training finish ...
suddenly nose sneeze then right eyes jump few time ...
don know why ... hai is suddely loh ... then go eat sth ... go train home ...

in train i am kind of sad sian and tired not sleepy at all ...
then when sms came ... was so happy ... haha ... i didnt dare to sms her at first ...
cos scare say wrong words ... hai ...
i am so idoitic ... so stupid ... so ... hai ya don know la ...

then back at home ... diaryland got server problem ... i was so sad ...
sob sob ...
cant read anything ...

hai .. don think of writing liao ...
hai ...

wondering if she will come back to moi even if feeling return ...
sad sob ...

hai shi seng seng de ai zhe ni ...
wo xiang xin ni ye shi ...
bu yao zhe yang xia qu le hao bu hao ...
bu nen mei you ni ...

My friday at home ...

morning at 6 woke up called her ... arghs she went back to slp ...
angry ... next time must call twice ... hai ...

then at ard 10 like that she sms again ... having a talk ... she is sian ...
haha lol ... baby talk ... talk abt baby ...
wahah ... continue ms wif her till haha think finally ended ...
then she cannot sms le ...
then left me bored here ... really realli bored ...
sian like hell ...
hai ...
then slack here and there till going to 1 o clock which is coming soon from now ..
hai ... sms her that finally she can go lunch ... cos she no eat breakfast ... and she was super cold
poor her ... xin teng ...
hai ... heart pain say liao also no use ...
jus sms her abt can go lunch ... waiting for her to reply ...

so sian ... my brain n mind nth to do but jus miss and think of ***

haha she reply liao ... yeah ...

i still love u still think of u ...
undescribable feeling ...

read ur blog ... calm down from wed to friday ...

hmm ... been thinking alot ...
still hoping we can be together again ...
this time ... it will be better ...
i know ... i learn from mistake ...
i swear ...

word of the day ... learn to think and take things simple and easy ...
think too much will complicate things ... yeah ... muacks ....***

Aftermath

Last night went i went to bed ...
sms ...
the poem i worte ...
she say it was the best one she had ...

:)i say thank you ... but yet i cried ...
cried painfully ...
don know for how long ... i then manage to sleep ...

morning i woke at 6 ... wanna call ... wanna sms ...
but jus don know if i shld ... then gave up the idea ...
at 8 woke up again ... no strength to sit up ...
basically no energy ... jus so empty inside me ...
but yet the weight in all inside me ...

cried ... cried ...
i don know wo bu zhi dao ...
still pinning on the last hope ...
...
i don know wad to do now ...
don feel like doing anything ...
wad on earth is going on ...

my heart has her ... onli her onli ... and no one else ...

:'(
:''(

in the morning the rain came when i woke ...
seems god was crying wif me ...

don wish this to be the end ........

A Story of a Sheep

Bahhhhhhh

thats wad a sheep would say ...

here is a story of a lost sheep ...

once upon a time there is a sheep lost from his grp ..
he walk further and further from his grp ...
he was sad at first but slowly got use to it ...
then he met a saviour that he feel will bring him back to his grp ...
or bring him to join a new grp ...
so he follow the saviour footstep ... followed behind her ...
but the saviour suddenly disappear out of no wher cos the saviour's god don
allow a lost sheep to follow the saviour ... but the saviour feel no good ...
felt alot of things ... then the saviour went back to find the sheep ...
there .... when to sheep saw the saviour he was delighted ...
again the sheep followed the footstep again ...
as they walk and walk and walk ... the saviour dun wanna help this sheep anymore ...
cos the saviour felt nth for this sheep why shld the sheep worth the saviours help .
he disappear again ...
poor sheep ... back to square one twice ... but standing on a different ground ...
having learn how to keep his emotion ... the sheep ... sat there ... watch the heaven ... look down on earth and ask o grandfather ... o grandfather is the time ... every step he run on a stairs is every sec pass on earth ...
the sheep ask ... y are u running so slow ...

the sheep was sad ... he know that the saviour most probably will not come back ...
but he still pinning on a little hope on the saviour ... but he also knew ... he will fall greater the more he hope ...

he hid his feeling ... he didnt cried as much as the first time ...
he learn how to control ... but yet ... he feels the pain ...

a piece of broken heart breaking another time ...

twice ... twice in my life i didnt manage to let my blog lives ...
wad is the meaning of me blogging again ... for me , the sheep , or for the saviour ...

i don know ... i onli know ... god played me a fool on myself ...
god make me realise how weak and vulnerable i am ...
but yet i chose to believe i will not be hurt as i grow stronger ...
i chose to believe in a truth that i grow stronger to be broken into even smaller pieces ...

how i wish this is a dream ...
when i wake up i will sit on the dinning table eating breakfast and telling everybody that i had the strangest dream in my life ...

maybe a coma will be good for me now ...
ppl always say ... when a person in coma ... is he choose to wake up or not ...
as for me ... i will choose to slp ... cos i don dare to face the fact that how would i face myself ... the saviour and the world ... ...

i am a aqurian fish lost in the big ocean ...

i don wish to post this up ... wish for myself to read ... but yet ...
i don know la ... god damn it ... i don know la ... i wanna hide ...
probably in the darkest corner of the world ... wher on one will see me ...
then i will not affect anyone and no one will affect me ...

how can i learn to let my hand open to let go ...
cant ... can i ... i don feel like but i think time will tells
maybe time will call big guys to free my hand ...
maybe time will shut my hand up tight ...

maybe maybe ... since small i hate the word maybe
ru guo ru guo since small i realli hater the word ru guo ...

i always say ru guo mei you ru guo ....

arghs ... i don know la ... can i kill myself ... god ...

The Morning On 1st of Sept

hi bloggie ...
sry that i come find u so earli at this time ...
bo bian ... nth to do ...
no one to tok to ...
wake up in the morning ...
alarm sounded at 6 but didnt hear it
but don know why ... few mins later auto wake up ...
cos everytime before i slp i tell myself ...
must wake and call her ... repaet alot of times ...
then i will slp ... so manage to call her ...
she wake liao ...
gdgd ...

then went back to slp ...
then my new pem call ... tok nonsense ... hai ...
then i cant slp ... is 9 plus am ...
my heart since i wake is her onli ...
thinking of her ...
honestly ...
missing her madly ..
then i try think other things like competition stuff ...
haha useless ... finish thinking think of her again ...
wonder how is she now ... jus care abt her ...
better don sms her also ... cos she work ma ...
let her work wif peace ...

so i came here and tell my bloggie ... on onli friend left i can tok to ...

now pillow on the table ... labtop in front of moi ... looking at the key board heads on the pillow ... i typing this ...

wo heng ai ni ...
wo zai hu ni ...

learning how to control myself ...